i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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