Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
