you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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