I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
