the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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