You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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