Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
