SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
