I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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