I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize