remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
