Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
