is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
