When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
