sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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