Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
