he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
