First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
