So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
