I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I believe in your delicious
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
