I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
