In the future we'll all be gay
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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