12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
