i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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