If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
