I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
