Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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