I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
