Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
