Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
