I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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