Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
