apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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