my phone needs a breathalizer
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
