I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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