I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
