when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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