Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
