Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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