There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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