Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize