If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made him laugh his dick is mine
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
