I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
