so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
