you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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