think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
