her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize