Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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