If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
