Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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