1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cannot find my penis.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
