Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
