I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
