But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize