you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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