Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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