Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ass is underappreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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