My balls are so social today.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
