btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
