I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
