guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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