What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
