It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
