her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
