You don't have asthma, your pregnant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
