I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
