my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
