ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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