How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
