this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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