He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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