I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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