so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
